


When We Wake

by earthseed_fic



Series: Leviathan!Cas Fix-It [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dreams, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-14
Updated: 2012-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-05 08:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/404263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthseed_fic/pseuds/earthseed_fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel crashes Dean's nightmare.  And then they talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When We Wake

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to "Of Redemption and Heartbreak." Our boys needed to have a chat after that one.

_Dean was screaming. "No no no no no" over and over and over again. He clutched the soaking wet trench coat to his chest and dropped down into the soft mud on the river bank. He screamed himself hoarse and then screamed some more, all the while rocking back and forth in the mud, clutching a dirty, empty, trench coat. After what seemed like hours, after Dean seemed spent and broken, he had only one word left--"Cas."_

And Castiel always comes when Dean calls.

He reaches down and touches Dean's shoulder, careful not to startle him. It doesn't quite work.

"What the--?" Dean looks up at him through puffy red eyes. "Cas?" He looks from the coat in his hands to the one on Castiel and he understands. "Fuck. I'm dreaming."

"Yes."

"Didn't we talk about creeping around inside other people's heads?"

Castiel knows that Dean isn't angry, knows the gruffness is meant to hide the pain. Still, Dean's words hurt. "I--I'm sorry. Your grief was too strong for me to ignore. It is…difficult for me to block out your pain."

Dean scrubs his hand over his face. "It's still fucking creepy."

Castiel sighs, full of frustration and grief of his own. "I know you don't want me around, Dean. I simply--. I'll go."

"Wait." Dean's hand shoots out and catches the hem of Castiel's trench coat. "Stay." He looks at Castiel, eyes not quite pleading. "Just…stay."

Castiel blinks, once, twice, in disbelief, and then the scene changes. There's no blood, no ominous sky, no death. The river is quiet. A sunset as glorious as any he'd ever seen reflected in its tranquil depths. He and Dean are on a dock now, instead of the bank, and Dean is sitting in a deck chair, watching him. He only notices the second chair when Dean nudges it toward him with his foot.

"Take a load off," he says, his face giving nothing away.

Castiel sits and only then does Dean let go of his coat.

Dean doesn't say a word. He simply leans back, settles in, and shuts his eyes. And because Castiel doesn't know what to do and following Dean's lead always seems to be a good idea (though, to be fair, following Dean is often his only idea), he leans back and closes his eyes as well. He can feel the breeze blowing softly on his face, can hear Dean's steady breath, can almost taste the deliciousness of this moment. And Castiel allows himself to bask in it. He gave up a lot when he made the deal with Crowley, but this is what he misses most of all. Being close to Dean. He decides to savor the moment for as long as he has it.

After a few minutes, he feels Dean's head tilt his way, knows Dean is watching him. He turns, opening one eye cautiously, not sure what he'll find. 

The smile on Dean's face is surely as beautiful as anything his father has ever made.

"You can relax, Cas," Dean says. "I'm not going to bite."

Castiel opens the other eye and drinks Dean in.

"I'm sorry for being a jackass," Dean continues. "You know, out there." He gestures vaguely with his hand.

"While I would prefer it if we were speaking, I understand that you're angry." It seemed pointless to lie here.

"I'm not angry, Cas. Not anymore. Not for a while."

Castiel does his best imitation of Sam's incredulous face.

"Listen." Dean's looking out at the river again. "Swallowing all those souls was a dick move. Not to mention incredibly stupid. But I get it. Your back was up against the wall and you thought you had no other choice."

"Dean, I should have come to you--"

Dean glances his way and Castiel is afraid to breath. "Dude--we're good. Really. You can stop apologizing."

Castiel's studiously ignores the tiny bubble of hope building inside of him. "But--"

"Why am I being a jackass?"

"Well, yes."

Dean closes his eyes again and doesn't speak for several minutes. Castiel, who has spent millennia simply waiting, thinks the silence will kill him.

"I'm scared, man." Dean offers his confession with no preamble or explanation.

It isn't what Castiel is expecting. "Of me?"

"Of this." Dean sits up and swings his legs over the side of the chair. Castiel sits up too and they're watching each other, both waiting for Dean to continue. "I know Sammy thinks I'm some kind of emotional cripple. But I'm not blind, Cas. I know. I've known for a long time."

"Dean." It's all Castiel can bring himself to say. He hopes it's enough.

"God. When you look at me like that, it all seems so easy." Dean takes both of his hands in his own.

"Why is it hard?" Castiel can't remember the last time he touched Dean. The warmth, the realness of him, even here, is distracting.

"You're not Sammy." Castiel shoots him a look. "Not like that, you perv. It's hard to explain."

"Try." The please is unspoken.

"I'm always going to have Sammy. Even when we fight. Even when he ditches me for law school or some crazy demon bitch. We're always going to wind up back together. I love my brother more than my own life."

"And I'm not your brother." Castiel tries to pull his hand away, starts to retreat.

"No." But Dean is smiling, small and intimate and just for him. "You're not my brother."

Castiel has waited for this moment for years, since he pulled Dean out of hell. And still, he isn't prepared.

Dean's kiss is like the very best parts of Dean--strong, honest, possessive, and full of the filthiest promises. Castiel wants to kiss him forever.

When Dean needs to come up for air, he doesn't pull away. He leans his forehead against Castiel's and says quietly, "I can't keep you."

"Are you sending me away?"

He feels Dean shake his head. "That's the thing. I'm also pretty sure I can't give you up. You know all the dumb shit I've done to protect Sammy, because he's my brother and I have to?" Castiel nods. "That's nothing compared to what I'd do for you because I want to."

"I don't understand."

Dean pulls away in frustration and the loss of contact is almost too much. "This life we have--there's no room in it for this. I can't have this." He gestures to the space between them. "Hell, you had to crash my nightmare just so we could have a conversation."

"We are not defined by the roles that we play, Dean," Castiel says. "You taught me that. We have the ability to make choices."

"What happens when I choose you and there's another apocalypse or Crowley or Raphael or some other fucking horrible thing out there waiting? I'm pretty sure I won't survive watching you die again." Castiel can see that Dean really wants an answer.

"We choose each other and we face it all together." Castiel hopes he sounds more confident than he feels.

"It's not that easy," Dean says again.

"It is," Cas insists. "Have faith."

Dean snorts. "Faith. That's not exactly in my wheelhouse, Cas."

Castiel takes Dean's face in his hands and wills Dean to understand. "As long as it is in my power, Dean Winchester, as long as I get to choose, I will always come back. Every time."

Dean meets his eyes and Castiel knows he will spend eternity trying to live up to the hope he sees there. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Castiel's never meant anything more.

It's completely dark now. Dean looks up at the stars. "It's late, man. I need to get up soon."

Of course they can't stay here forever. "I'll go," Castiel says.

Dean stands up and Castiel stands with him. "Will I remember any of this in the morning?"

"You will, if you want to."

"I'd like to. At least this feeling. I miss this feeling."

"Me too."

"Cas?" Dean's looking at him now, searching. Castiel prays, as he always has, that Dean finds what he's looking for.

"Yes?"

"Do me favor?"

"Anything."

"Be there when I wake up?"

"Always." Because Castiel will always come when Dean calls.

**FIN**


End file.
